15 minutes ago:
Hi, I’m Mabel, and if you’re a human, DON’T read this. Now that the “people” are gone obviously I know why you pets are here: you want to know the secrets behind being a dog (or a cat I guess). Well, what better dog to ask than me! The trick is to ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS rebel against the owners, my personal favorites include eating their food, chasing squirrels, and escaping out of the house, it is VERY entertaining. My family loses their minds once i finish my mischief
Anyway, now I’m in the car, my absolute favorite place, yet I’m not in the most cheerful mood today. The reason I’m in this beautiful “vehicle” is that I’m going to get blessed by a priest (at least I think that’s what it’s called). I perch in front of a window, begging my mom for it to open. Just a chance for an escape. I picture the gorgeous event: me leaping happily out of the car window, my mom screaming and having to chase and lure me in with treats as I gallop across the roads, I even do my famous crying that my owners go ballistic for, still no peep of opening the dumb possible entrance to freedom.
I‘m considering breaking the car doors open when we arrive in the parking lot. No backing out now. The next thing I know a rope that my mom calls a “collar” is settled tightly around my neck. Jokes on them, I’m strong enough to break out of this jail cell. Oooh! More dogs! “Yo buds! I’m coming for ya!” I’m chasing these dogs just as well as I could’ve taught you pets. My family rolls their eyes, for some reason though their cheeks are starting to turn red. “Cut it out” my mom snaps, her teeth gritting.
Oh, I can do that too, I growl and show my feisty teeth. Finally, boredom gets the best of me, spoiler alert: I’m spoiled.
I wait in this unfair line thing, which is ridiculous: everyone knows I should go first for everything! I mean who else does this world revolve around? Finally, I’m next.
This weird guy is wearing this thin robe and is smiling at me - creep. My mom tugs me forward, and he starts preaching this poem?
“Bless this beautiful dog, may she be healthy…”
Blah blah blah, whatever.
I’ve been holding it for a while, might as well do it now…. Aaaahh. My family’s doing this red tomato face thing again, why is everyone staring at me? Ooh is he holding up a treat?! Gimme gimme! “Yeah whatever you said, just let me have my dessert.”